Would you blow up your life in your 40's?
And has experiencing joy in board sports helped it happen?
Good friends of ours are celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary this summer by heading back to France where they got married, getting all their mates together, and basically having a big piss up (disguised in the name of renewing their vows, but anyone who just wants to get their mates together in a field in France has my backing).
I was talking to them about their planning for the event, and they told me the one thing that was depressing as they went through the photos was the realisation that nearly everyone in them was now divorced.
Now, this would be shocking if I thought it was a total anomaly. Except the same is true for my wedding. Of the four mates my husband enlisted to be part of the proceedings, three of them have since divorced.
Perhaps both of our weddings were jinxed events, and you should steer clear of any future ones that we hold, if you want to keep your relationship in tact that is. But, I think it’s more than that.
Did you know that 63% of divorces in the UK are initiated by women?
I was pretty stunned by this stat. But, it makes total sense in my mind, because nearly every relationship in our friendship set that has fallen apart in recent years (and there have been many, often with young kids in tow), has been initiated by the woman.
And, get this, you’re significantly more likely to get divorced if you’re from a coastal town in the UK. Apparently this has something to do with coastal towns representing transformation in people’s lives, having moved there seeking something new. Or, could it be, because these women have discovered surfing I wonder? I’m half joking, but I’m pretty sure I’m onto something here.
When we discover joy, we want more of it…
As the founder of a board sports community that particularly focuses on getting women in midlife to see this period of their life differently, and firmly embrace joy, this is something I’ve been a direct observer of for the last two years.
Women take up these sports later in life, whether it’s surfing, skating, or snowboarding, and quite often they feel joy they haven’t felt since they were kids. Pure unbridled joy in doing something with no real end goal, no societal expectation, no timetable attached, no payment to seek. Just the act of joy being the goal in itself.
And it’s bloody addictive. We want more of it. Because the rest of life might well have got on top of us by this point. Work. Kids. Home. Work. Kids. Home. Work. Kids. Home. On repeat. A drumroll of mediocrity in the making where we begin to question what we are doing it all for, and seek something, anything that is in the name of ourselves. And that’s where board sports step in.
If nothing else, board sports give you the opportunity to switch off your monkey mind like nothing else
I do all kinds of activities. I run. I swim. I do weights. I box. I hike. I do yoga. The list is pretty endless, but board sports are the only thing that enable me to turn my brain off. Running and swimming might allow me to work through a problem, and I’ll come out the other side richer for it. But, fully being able to switch off. To feel like myself and to experience the full flow of joy is something none of these other activities can touch.
But, once you experience joy, you up the stakes for every other area of your life (and it can be found wanting)
The irritation factor is very real if you come back from an epic surf / skate / snow session and reality slaps you in the face. I’ve walked back in to my family arguing, or to the place being a total mess, and my good mood slips back out the door, replaced by WTAF am I doing here? Now, in my case, I’m lucky (supremely so). I have a brilliant husband, who is truly a 50/50 split kind of guy when it comes to the mental load; and my kids, while traditionally annoying and challenging a good 70% of the time, are actually fantastic. Life gets on top of me like it does anyone, but not to the degree where I’m ready to walk out the door.
But, we’ve all felt like it. And many of my friends have done it.
I just realised I was happier when he wasn’t there.
It’s actually easier having my kids only half of the time. I miss them, but I’m free when I don’t have them.
I’m literally having a new lease of life. We’ve found a way to co-schedule as parents and we’re both doing pretty well.
These are all conversations I’ve had in recent months with friends. I’m not going to lie, these comments belie the heartache that has been caused in their families, but most of them are coming out the other side now.
Most of these women just reached a point where they refused to accept that the rest of their life didn’t give them the joy they’d had a taste of. Refused to accept that they weren’t supported as a partner in their own home. Refused to accept compromise as their existence.
I want to hear more, and I’m looking for your stories
I feel like the concept of ‘blowing up your life’, whether it’s your relationship, your living situation, your job, whatever it is, is a rich one for us mid lifers. And I’m intrigued as to the role that board sports play within this journey.
So, if you have a story, I’d love to hear from you. Whether you drop it below, or DM me on here or on instagram I’d love to understand more about this stage and what it means for all of us women who refuse to have a life without joy. Your story might inspire others, so I’m looking at making this a regular (anonymous if necessary) feature (and maybe more along the lines of a book, it feels timely).
I’m looking forward to hearing from you (and please share if you think this is relevant for others that you know)
Caroline x
Board Women Founder