Why I've been feeling like a fraud

Time to get back on a board and find my joy again

Imagine the scenario. You’re living your best life running a community of fantastic women who are embracing board sports, no matter what their age. Your life is suddenly filled with regular skate park hangs, trips to The Wave to fit in a cheeky surf, and best of all, heading off to the mountains.

And then bam, this.

It was the first bone I’d ever broken (at 47), and whilst I started off pretty stoic, convinced I could just get on with things, ultimately it hit me incredibly hard. I work for myself, have two young kids, and there was no downtime whatsoever. But most of all I was suddenly absent of the very things I had found that brought me joy. The things that make up so much of my identity.

I remember posting an instagram reel talking about how I’d be back on a board before you know it. Because what else do you do when you’ve built a community that’s all about inspiring women to go for it? To lean into the fear and do it anyway? I had in my head that after 6 weeks of being in a cast, I’d be getting on some kind of board pretty quickly.

There’s an IFYKYK aspect to breaking something. A friend of mine warned me early on ‘the doctors don’t tell you everything’ and he was so right. The journey back from a break is long, and hard, and most of it starts after the cast is removed. My arm just didn’t work in the same way. You can’t put pressure on it, can’t twist and bend it, and any kind of pop up on a surf board in particular still feels very long off.

But it goes beyond the physical. It’s the mental aspect. You want to be brave, you want to just live the mantra of ‘go for it’. But the reality is, learning as an adult is fuelled significantly by your experiences, rather than your future perception of what you’re capable of. And the most recent experience my brain remembers is my life being unimaginably turned upside down through a silly fall when snowboarding.

To make things worse, I have felt like SUCH a fraud running Board Women whilst going through this. Watching all of you brilliant women shredding it, many of you overcoming injuries and smashing it afterwards. It started to feel functional, almost like a job, writing content, but not getting any of the joy myself.

So that’s it right? Give up everything that represents risk? Well, not so much.

Because the glimmer is still there. That feeling of excitement when you overcome fears, little by little. The feeling of joy at just hanging out, doing something others might regard as silly, a frivolous use of time, but for you it’s the thing that makes your heart sing.

So a week or so ago, I stepped back on a board for the first time. I was bloody scared, super tentative, and it lasted the sum total of 10 minutes. It hasn’t stopped me being scared, but it’s like I’ve broken a seal in some way.

(Hilariously, my son is skating and shooting, and ollying all the way on this film)

I physically can’t surf at the moment. I can’t get to the mountains. But skating feels like an option (albeit one I have a decent amount of fear of currently).

So, tomorrow I’m taking myself off for my first skate lesson since my break. I’ll be padded up to the nines, taking baby steps, and not putting too much pressure on myself to be back where I was pre accident.

I’ll let you know how it goes! If you’re scared of doing something this week, and want some mental willpower and support in cracking it, let us know below! I’d love to hear from you, these things always feel better when trying them with friends somehow. Sending all the good vibes to anyone out there who is grappling with their injury x

Caroline,

Board Women Founder.