Picture your teenage self looking at you right now: would they ever believe you’re spending your weekends dropping into halfpipes and catching waves?
Mine certainly wouldn’t. I grew up in a small town next to the sea in Essex. I say sea, but it was the estuary of The Thames, and the most action it got from any of my friends was a bit of a paddle in the summer, or crabbing on the long muddy stretch between Leigh-on-Sea and Kent on the other side, a race before the tide came in and you were stranded.
My friends were not surfers. I always loved the culture of surfing, poring over magazines, and grabbing a body board on holidays to Devon and Cornwall as a kid. But no-one I knew was remotely interested. I didn’t grab a board myself until my late 20’s/early 30’s, and it was always via retreats where I went away solo. I remember deciding I was going to get better, and spending many weekends driving to Joss Bay, my closest surf break from London, only to find flat water, and a soggy tuna sandwich at the cafe.
As far as I knew, there weren’t groups of women coming together to surf in London (thankfully this has changed), and the friends I had might come for the odd trip, but on the whole they weren’t bothered.
Snowboarding came in my 30’s, via my brother, and then boyfriends, and again, I had very few mates who were prioritising this outdoorsy life. Skating came in my mid 40’s. Again, my mates thought I was a bit mental.
Thankfully, friends with shared interests have come via this very community, and I treasure this group of adventurous women who seek a different vision for their midlife era. But I often ponder how different my own life would be had I met a group of friends when I was younger who loved the things I loved. Who wanted to be outside more than in a club / pub being drunk. Who craved physical activity that gave them that end of day exhausted glow. Friends who wanted to see the world, wave by wave.
What would teenage me need to hear?
The one thing I hear from women who come to our sessions is: I wish I’d started earlier. Me too. What would have had to be different to have made this happen?
Stephen Graham (he of Adolescence fame) has collated a book of letters from different contributors, all written to their sons. It’s an emotional thing to think about what you would like to pass on to your kids. A moment of consideration of what parenting actually means to you, what matters beyond the day to day silly arguments and mis-intended nagging, and what perhaps you would like to have heard from your own parents.
It struck me what I might have needed to hear in my younger years to give me the confidence to chase after these passions that I had, and to break away from the norms of the life that I grew up with just that little bit more.
So below is a list of 15 things I would have written to 15 year old me, and maybe that surf / skate / snowboard life may just have kicked in that bit earlier than almost 50. What would you write?
Dear 15 Year Old Caroline,
You won’t believe that 49 year old you has two kids, and has somehow found her way back to the coast (*you’re convinced that you’ll only ever life in cities). You won’t believe she runs her own businesses and that one of them is encouraging women globally to reject the norms of ageing and jump on boards (not of the business kind). And you definitely won’t believe that you’ve broadly ditched alcohol in the name of being clear headed and finding your kicks in other ways (like this morning’s skate session, the best kind of high).
Here are 15 things I wish you could hear and follow, and maybe by now we’d be kicking back in some sun filled, surf focused location, creating in some way, and feeling a far less burdensome sense of responsibility that is my current reality.
You love the outdoors. More than anything. Chase that down.
There are so many versions of ‘success’. Ignore the academically obsessed school you are going to, and take the art course they convince you not to. Don’t sign up for economics and then law. You will hate it.
Get in the sea. On the sea. Under the sea. Sign up for every club going to do with this, even if your mates aren’t there.
Convince your parents to get you surf lessons. You’re in Devon and Cornwall for every holiday until you’re about 17 anyway. Take advantage.
Don’t do that cheesy, horrific holiday in Tenerife with your mates when you do hit 17. Convince them to go surfing. Or go solo.
Go travelling before you go to university. Stop thinking everything is about having a ‘proper job’. You won’t have a ‘proper job’ by your late 40’s anyway, so why not do what you want now, with no responsibilities.
Keep writing. And writing. And writing.
You’ll watch all the boys in your group hang out on skateboards and bmx’s and think it looks loads of fun, but for some reason you’ll be in the group of girls just watching and hanging out. Ask yourself why.
Ignore every comment from parents or other adult figures who tell you to be ‘careful’ as that shit will stick in your head forever more.
Watch the sun come up. Watch the sun go down. And repeat. That’s the good stuff.
Get out of Miss Selfridge and TopShop and save your money to go somewhere cool instead. It’ll take you until your late 40’s to realise that ‘stuff’ really doesn’t matter at all (apart from your favourite finisterre jumper that shrunk in the washing machine this weekend, that hit hard).
Seek out friends who like the same things you do. You don’t have the internet to work this bit out, but there will be ways. Apply to university by the sea at least, you’ll spend about 20 years afterwards getting back to it, so maybe just erase that part.
Do dance. All the time. With far less self consciousness than you do right now. And you don’t need the amount of alcohol you’ll ply yourself with to get over that. Really.
Double down on your relationships with your mates. Forget the boys. Most of them are kind of rubbish between 15 and 35 anyway.
Take all the risks going. Be silly. Skinny Dip. Jump on that board. Go on that trip. Get outside always. Make 49 you proud.
What would you write to 15 year old you? What do you wish you’d done earlier? I’d love to hear your 15 bullets below, and I’ll share the best ones in Notes / on Instagram in the coming weeks.
This week’s list is a collection of all things to help you find your board sports crew:
(1) Women swapping Friendship Apps for Adventure Holidays
Love this piece on the Gutsy Girls and Salty Souls and Between the Ears Expeditions in Vogue recently. I really related to this quote:
Increasingly, I find that some of the women I most want to travel with are women I met while traveling. There is an unusual shorthand to friendships forged outdoors: when you’ve already seen someone exhausted after hours in the saddle, laughed together over the indignities of life without a proper bathroom, or sat talking beside a fire long after dark, the usual polite stages of getting to know somebody seem to fall away. Adventure has a habit of turning strangers into friends with startling speed.
Gutsy Girls runs about 200 trips a year (nearly double what it did three years ago), and about 85% of women who go book alone. Clearly I’m not the only one seeking out friends with common interests.
(2) Make this Winter Your Best Surf Season Yet
The wonderful crew from Gather and Glide Surf and Danni The Surf Confidence Coach are hosting this session in Newquay this week. Build strength and stamina, enhance your confidence and resilience, and meet new friends. Wish I could be there.
(3) Get your ear to the ground
This week was the Independent Podcast Awards - and Board Women was nominated in the sports category. We sadly didn’t win, but these kinds of awards always remind me that there is a big talented world out there in the podcasting space, and I can always learn new things. I’m going to make my way through the full shortlist here - and I’ve already been enjoying the winner, Great Days Out on the Bus From Buxton.
(4) Find your Skate Local
This brilliant map has been put together mapping out skate spots across the UK, not just the parks, but all the different places you can skate, and skate shops too. Trucks and Fins obviously does a great job on the parks, but I like that this includes street spots. A labour of love - and you can add your own spots too - although unsurprisingly some of the skate community are out in force criticising the idea of directories at all vs. finding spots yourself.
(5) Move Over Pilates, The Girls Are Golfing
I quite like the irony of this. I have a partner who golfs, rather than surfs, and I constantly talk about bringing him over to the dark side. Love the point that Sophie Hellyer’s post makes about being able to love a sport, but not love the culture around it. Check out this new golf club they’re starting in the south-west, I suspect this will take off.
Have a good week all, see you next time
Caroline
Board Women Founder x