Is being invisible our superpower in mid life?
Are Riot Women ready to be Board Women?
I’m two episodes into the much acclaimed series ‘Riot Women’, the Sally Wainwright show that explores the issues surrounding middle age through the guise of an unexpected group of women forming a rock band.
They had me at the soundtrack, the brilliant ‘Violet’ from Hole a once forgotten song of my youth, the heady days where Courtney Cox and Kurt Cobain were the real King and Queen for everyone I knew. We would head to a local club on a Tuesday night called Club Art, buy pints for £1, and spend the evening head banging on the dance floor.
More than that, the programme brings to light the feeling that we are invisible in mid life. Studies show anywhere from 40-70% of women feel this way as they age. And I can relate. About two weeks ago, I made what I thought was quite a drastic change to my appearance. I chopped half my hair off. I’ve had super long hair for about 12 years, and so it felt like a big deal.
And no-one noticed.
My husband knew I was getting my hair chopped, and made the comment ‘it doesn’t really look that different from the front’ (spoiler: it used to be past my boobs, and now stops at my collar bones..and this was said to assuage my sadness because I wasn’t sure I liked the end result). My business partner (male) self admitted that perhaps he was a stereotype, but genuinely asked what the difference was when I said I’d had a chop. I saw numerous clients over the two weeks who I’ve worked with for ages, and again, nothing. I saw family at the weekend and no-one batted an eyelid.
This might have sent me into a death spiral of fully feeling my 48 year old self. No longer worth noticing.
Except.
What if this cloak of invincibility I find myself with is actually a superpower?
Hear me out.
There’s a freedom in the thought that no-one really notices what you’re up to.
Of course the concept of women becoming invincible as they age, in the workplace, at home, with their loved ones, is a serious one, and it’s one we need to address in society. More respect for experience, and a re-writing of the narrative of ageing to one that matches the reality: older women are badass.
They can be beautiful. They’ve seen it all. Most of my peers look better now than they did in their 20’s having come into their own in their style and understanding what works for them.
But on the flip side, many women I know my age, myself included, have spent years people pleasing, showing up for others before ourselves. Which means we are painfully aware of others opinions. And this is the biggest block I know to joy.
We worry about what others think when we step outside their definition of us. We worry we won’t be good at something.We worry we’re too old to try, because someone else’s perception of what is acceptable for our age holds us back.
Well, worry no more. It turns out no-one will notice.
It’s time for our fuck-it era.
So we have the freedom of invincibility, what exactly are you going to do with it? My first advice is clearly going to be, jump on a board.
Ever dreamt of getting on a piece of wood with four wheels? Now is your time.
Ever dreamt of cruising those waves? Now is your time.
Ever dreamt of carving that mountain? Now is your time.
Because if anything put two fingers up at society’s expectations of what women can or should be doing in their 40’s, 50’s and beyond, it’s embracing these sports. Sports with sub cultures that have been inherently male, young, and centred around risk and adventure.
And that’s the very reason we should be doing it. Without fear or abandon. Without worrying what people think.
Invincibility disappears when we find our crew.
The brilliant thing about overcoming what people think of you, and embracing these sports is that they make you feel seen again. The skate community in particular is one of the most accepting I’ve experienced (but my surf and snowboard crews make me feel the same). Meet ups welcome people from all backgrounds, no-one cares what you do for a living, where you grew up, what you’re into.
We come together around one belief. That skateboarding makes us feel great. Even if we’re terrible. Even if we aren’t improving at the rate we’d like. We cheer each other on. Bang our boards when someone makes a trick.
We feel seen. By people who share our passions. And that is a different superpower altogether.
Have a good week all,
Caroline x
Board Women Founder